How to make kids behave

My wife was dropping our son off at school yesterday.  While she was talking to the teacher, our son picked up a large handful of play-dough and started banging it against a window.  Before my wife could escape out of the classroom, the teacher immediately took control.  She said to our son, "John, I see that you like to play with play-dough, do you want to play with it at the table?"  Our son took one look at the teacher, and then immediately went to the table and started to play.  No confrontation, no running across the room, no yelling.

Lets break that down.  First, she used our child's name to get his attention rather than out of anger.  Second, she acknowledge what our kid was doing without judgement.  Now she has his interest.  Third, she redirected him and gave him a positive action that he could follow.

Time and time again, I have read that the only way to get people to do the thing that you want them to do is to find out what they like to do.  My wife and I just got a lesson from a preschool teacher.

Stop Copying Me!

Every now and then my kids want to play the copying game.  Whatever you say they say right back.  Here is how it normally goes:

Parent, "I want more mashed potatoes."
Child. "I want more mashed potatoes."
Parent, "Are you copying me?"
Child, "Are you copying me?"
Parent, "Stop that."
Child, "Stop that."
Parent, “Quit copying me.”
Child, “Quit copying me.”
And so on….

Here is how to break the cycle.  As soon as you see they are copying you, do the same thing back to them.

Parent, "I want more mashed potatoes."
Child. "I want more mashed potatoes."
Parent, “I want more mashed potatoes.”
Child, “I want more mashed potatoes.”
Parent, “I want more mashed potatoes.”
Child, “I want more mashed potatoes.”

After a couple of rounds, the child will slip up and add some minor change such as a sigh or leave a word out such as, “I want more potatoes.”  Whatever the little change is, add it to your response.  Now you are copying them.

After they see that they are no longer driving the game, they will give up and you can move onto something different.

Dinner is crazy with kids.

Dinner time is usually pretty crazy in the house.  The kids are hungry and tired, and so are mom and dad.  One of the things that we are starting to do is involve the kids.  The first thing to do is give the kids a snack.  This quiets them down, keeps them busy and if done right minimizes dinner friction. The best snack is something healthy like carrots or berries.  When kids are hungry they will eat almost anything.  By giving them healthy food first, they eat that and then they still have room for the meat or starch when you serve the meal.  This way you are not fighting with them to eat veggies that they do not like after their stomach is full of things that they do like.

The next thing is to start to involve kids in the kitchen making food.  This takes more time in the beginning but eventually will save time and teach them self sufficiency.  You can give them busy jobs like washing carrots or you can have them mix ingredients.  One trick is to pre measure the ingredients and then have the kids add the ingredients to a pot before putting it on the stove.  Example: if you are making rice, measure a cup of rice and cut off a little butter and leave it on the counter.  When the kid comes in, tell them to get a pot and add the rice and butter to the pot.  Also have some water pre measured.  As they get older, they can start to take more steps.

Involving the kids or giving them a healthy snack before dinner cuts down on the pre-meal tension, teaches them confidence in the kitchen and encourages an activity that you can do together.